Nigeria: Division of Suffer

( A post from 2014... still applicable. Mostly)

If I have to endure another southerner run off at the mouth about the virtues of APC or PDP while human beings die by the hundreds in the north..........

Everyone wants to make a valid point about the political intentions of two people no sane person should vouch for. One of the candidates has really tried for over half a decade and we appreciate his impotence. The other, in my opinion is a wild card. But we need a change so we are changing.... But what are his thoughts on the insurgence? I know he will end corruption, remove the office of the first lady, will have no bias for religious beliefs, is broke, will not steal, everybody loves him but where has he been since BH started their madness  about 2011? Thats the thing about public servants in nigeria, they normally serve for more personal reasons. (If you didn't get that, stop reading now!)   

If I see one more photo up by politicians, showing political togetherness, when the obvious issues of the insurgence of BH continues at geometric progression......

As if endorsements by a Nigerian politician is the overwhelming evidence of a trustworthy nature. Why don't they go to community leaders in Baga or Potiskum or Chibok to seek endorsements? These politicians are not concerned by the north. Their immediate concern is the election then they will sort out our little terrorist problem as a nation? All I am asking is how? The Nigerian armed forces used to be renowned in Africa. Now our military bases are been seized by......the english language has not given me enough adjectives to describe these people . International news stations are more concerned with our terrorist status than we are! While we celebrate and comment on who stole money last and how much? Or who is married and who bought new car?  or who is more of an orator? Talk never tire us?   

Why is this nation so divided? The issue of the south does not seem to be the issue of the north. Just like January 2012, while the south battled hike in fuel prices, the north were burying their dead...... 

Nigerians! and our blatant disregard for that which does not affect us.

My Fellow Nigerians...

Nigeria as an economic society has grown over the years to become world recognized for its enormous possibilities. I actually read an article from IMF that basically states that Nigeria has the potential of being the new China! I was impressed and proud to be part of the generation that is changing Nigeria as an economic society.

Other countries have noticed the investment potential in Nigeria. Different multinational companies are setting up 'shop' in Nigeria and different Nigerians are partnering with individual / companies to create better products/services in all sectors of the economy. In fact, the presence of 'expatriate partnership' has become synonymous with better services/products.

Interestingly enough, there is a downside to our increased popularity. On one hand, we have foreigners that have come with a large amount of money paid to a silent Nigerian partner to bring in substandard goods and services. With enough advertisement, promos and beautiful colours (otherwise known as branding), these companies convince the buying public that their products are the best in the world when a simple Google search proves different.

On the other hand, many Nigerians are employing expatriates as senior staff. This new employment plan , upon study, can be very interesting. They have some of the best jobs despite the qualifications of their Nigerian counterparts. In all fairness to their employers, they still give the role that their title deserves but the foreign employees have brand new made up prestigious posts just for them. (please insert Yipee!).

There is an obvious advantage to employing expatriates.  You see, once they appear at a meeting for whatever purpose, it becomes suddenly apparent that the employers are amazingly competent. Expatriates are what we call an 'ace in the hole'. Unfortunately, a board of Nigerians only will not have the same effect. This is not RACISM because we are all Africans and not to believe an African capable of a particular skill set would be insulting even to ourselves.

What I am in insinuating here (in case you did not get it) , is the edge in our business society today is the employment of expatriates. There is a community of them in Nigeria now, moving from company to company like pawns. They have the official car, official house, official wife and such. These guys are living large! Their counterparts, i do not think, live as 'large'. Some do. But that's a different article..........

These expenses are justified by the amount of money they bring in. I could be wrong of course.

So what are we mere Nigerians to do? Skin peel anyone???

Hardworking Reality TV Stars

I, a modern, logical, professional, forward thinking woman of the 21^st century, watch reality TV.

Yes, I can see the implied oxymoron but I swear it was a learning experience for me and I will tell you why.

At first, it started when I was younger and had a lot of free time. It not only seemed very entertaining but I actually thought it was real. Bored young woman that I was, this was fascinating to me.  Slowly but surely I realised how fake it all was…. Who wears full glam make up 24/7? Who fights like this in real life? Then I realised watching reality TV just became a bad habit for me. No one around me could understand why I watched it. I tried to explain the storyline to get others interested but I could hear myself….it was pretty sad. Honestly.

One day while watching one of real housewives pick a fight over some trivial issue, I asked myself,

‘who watches this shit? And wtf for ?’

At that moment, my logical brain kicked in.

These reality TV stars had become relevant because of familiarity. They are all over our TV screens whether you watch their shows or not. Always impeccably dressed, speaking ‘their minds”, maximising every opportunity, writing books, getting brand deals, even attending events for cash! The trick is if you see me often on different media platforms, you subconsciously think I have something to say.  So you watch and listen. Unfortunately, this trick happens with so many celebrity these days, we find it difficult to decipher who actually has something to offer.

Don’t get me wrong, these stars work hard and we, the intended audience, have to acknowledge that. The sacrifices they make to stay relevant. They have to keep up appearances, basically selling their brand, whatever it may be at any time. Take a minute and try to imagine yourself branded at all times…. Because truly, we all have brands. This is the image we perpetuate to the public. The difference is I get to get rid of that image after a long week when I  just want to get a drink down the street. . The image I’m projecting at this point is hobo chic!  The chic is silent…..

The difference between us and them is our job description. That’s why its hard for me to empathise when they are criticised. They are just being criticised for being bad at their jobs. This happens in every work environment, only their work environment is the world. While the rest of us get to switch off, they do not. If they want to, it comes at a huge cost of protecting their privacy. Side effect of this well paying job  is losing relevance. See, catch 22!  Not only do they have the worse work environment, their clients can be quite fleeting and they have several competitiors just lurking, ready to pounce on any vacuum their sudden need for a regular life might create.

Staying relevant to their clients is key. It takes a lot to keep someone’s emotional attention while offering no real gratification….

Success through a positive mental attitude By Napoleon Hill & W. Clement Stone: My Review

First of, this is truly a book you must read over and over until you basically know it by heart. There is not one page, one chapter that is not useful
So where do I start?

This books basically speaks on creating and keeping your internal environment consciously.
If you are unhappy,  you are not living the life you want
To live the life you want to, you must have a definite purpose
To have a definite purpose, you must sit and think, write it down and determine in your heart to follow through.
Only a definite purpose will give you the fuel to create and keep your internal environment.

CREATING YOUR INTERNAL ENVIRONMENT.
It's your fault.
Where you are, how you feel is entirely your fault. Step one is to accept this. You are the most integral part of  success story. Everything else is a by product.  You decide. You choose.
It's your fault. Everything You have achieved or not achieved is your fault.
Accepting this concept will help You take responsibility for your desired future. 
But first, you must know the desired future. 
Your desired future is determined by your purpose. The specifics of that purpose creates the foundation for your internal environment. Note that your purpose isn't only monetary, but can be physical, mental and/or spirtual.
You are only limited by how much You can imagine in your heart. So take the time and sit in the quiet, call upon divine inspiration and see the person You want to become in everyway. Write it down. It does not have to be perfect, verbose or overly articulate. It just had to be right. To you. The elements of your internal environment are created by your purpose. Your purpose is created by You. Your purpose is allowed to evolve, so give yourself room to bend and grow. You find that in bending and growing as the years go by, "a seed of corn cannot grow into a mango tree". It can only be a bigger version of what You initially dreamt for yourself.
When you know what your purpose is and by divine faith and hope, can see it as achievable, that is when You have created your internal environment.

KEEPING YOUR INTERNAL ENVIRONMENT
Success comes only to those who have diligently guarded their internal environment. Your internal environment is full of good ELEMENTS like faith, hope, optimism, determination, generosity and purpose. The continous use and acknowledgement of these elements will lead to success. You need to consciously guard against these elements being destroyed by other forces. 
Although we have our internal environment, our external environment still exist.  We need to never allow anything negative slip through internally. Every thought or action must have a visa interview, patting down,  by scan and letter from a religious authority before it's allowed in. In other words, always look for the good in every situation before you decide to dwell on it or share it. If there's no good in it, get rid of it. Everything grows. Especially bad elements like depression, anger, hatred, laziess, gossip, lying. Don't allow them in. You allowed to accuse your self out of those situation or the narrating of those situations.

You must break down your goals to daily achievables.  When you do this, there will be intent behind every minute. Even the time to rest! Others cannot tell you how to spend your time when you have done it for yourself with the backing of purpose. Suddenly, you realise that some matters cannot take priority and not every thing that is urgent is really urgent or is yours to solve.

You must also keep yourself in good physical health. For the internal environment is literally carried around by the body. Exercise, eat right, rest, meditate, have a good time, relax and SLEEP!  There is no point having a great internal environment in the grave.

Remember the written purpose?? Read it everyday, sink it into your heart and be able to call on it anywhere anytime. Also continously remind yourself by whose authority you can achieve it. It's only through Divine help. Prayers are not us communicating with God what we want and what we are going through. It is also an avenue to remember the omnipotentce of God. Build the walls of  your internal environment with continous reminders of your purpose, prayers and mediation on the word of God.

Lastly, do not compare your journey with others. All the validation you need come from you. Take out time and do an inventory in your achievements . If there's progress, there is growth. If there is growth there is sucess. And again, whatever anyone says, take the best of that information and allow only that into your internal environment .

The bottomline line is, the success story of your life starts and ends with YOU. We are at the end of the day, a product of our choices.
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Who designed this?

In a very prestigious estate in Lagos, I noticed an edifice that was just atrocious, instantly asking who designed this? In shock and repulsion, I called on fellow colleagues over ensuing months to look upon the monstrosity and they all agreed with me. It was atrocious. You see, I had a site in the same estate. I immediately felt very proud of my design and soon to be building. My client even noticed the building. It was hard to miss.

A couple of months into construction, I had a reason to be in the same street as the monstrosity and I decided to pay a little more attention to its "architecture". Surprisingly I understood it! And honestly,  I was quite impressed. I thought to myself this could have been a very good building. Albeit, it's was not a conventional style of architecture but it could have been a spectacular building. I realised slowly that the elements that made it a monstrosity where all actually a result of poor construction methods or poor choice of materials. It seemed obvious to me that the client probably became the architect during construction. I walked away thinking, "Poor architect..."

Fast forward a couple of months, on that same estate, I became that "poor architect". My client even told me that architecture could have been his true calling! I muttered under my breath that he lacked the prerequisite for the degree -Taste. I eventually had to leave the project. Not only was the sight of my master piece becoming a cesspool of seemingly popular ideas depressing but my purpose on site was non existent.  I mean, no point advising when no one is taking the advice abi?

Now as a young architect, I had to figure out where I missed it. Where I handed over authority and responsibility to the client.  Where the client stopped trusting me to interpret his vision. Two areas stuck out.

COMMUNICATION
When we get a brief as Architects,  we sometimes assume that this is all we need. I have found out, the hard way, that "design a four units of  3 bedroom terraces" is not a brief.  We must understand what the client wants in terms of aesthetics, interaction of spaces, budget, e.t.c. in other words,your design should not be your wet dream but your clients'. Your building becomes a failure if your client is not satisfied even though you are! We must remember as Architects whose building it is, taking the time to explain our concept to the client. Here comes the need for a complete set of drawings, which includes 3d image's and specifications.  As much as possible, nothing should be left to question. There are only so many changes you can make on site during construction before the building becomes  "the house that Jack built". We must make the client understand the need for this complete vision (and make him pay for it too!). So he can save time and money at the end.

PROFESSIONALISM
We, as Architects,  must present ourselves as the master builder at all times. There is no area of construction and design where your client should ever know more than you. This could be fatal to your role in the project, because trust lost is not always financial. It can be professional as well. We must update ourselves continously to stay ahead of latest developments and trends in the building industry, home and abroad.

We must also consciously cultivate our relationships with our clients. Such relationships are necessary for the growth of your business. But always keep in mind what your primary role in their life is.  Always remembering that familiarity breeds contempt.
Let me explain. Just as you can never be close enough to your mother in law that you insult your spouse in front of her. The worst of you that the client has seen will rollover into all aspects of your relationship with them including  your professional relationship.
Be careful not to be so friendly that you kow-tow to their every whim despite your professional opinion. Dear architect, you were hired for your expertise. We have to learn to separate issues and know our place in our clients' life and on a project.

All this to say, it happens. Clients become Architects especially in private projects and we have to learn not to take it so personally. Afterall, we have to agree that it's his house and his money......he can pretty  much do whatever he likes.

Destiny by T.D. Jakes: My Review

After reading Instinct , I felt like Destiny was just the perfect next read.
While Instinct tells us there is a purpose that comes naturally, in the quiet....Destiny tells me there is a preordained place of beauty and logic, a very familiar place I was made for.
It reminds me of a lot of principles that I instinctively knew already.
Ever had that feeling, like "I knew this!"?
Personally I have always said that all that leads to a successful life is CHOICE, FOCUS AND BALANCE.  This book just reminded me of that.
While I would love to talk about every point I learnt while reading this book, two points stuck out for me and I guess that's what I will carry from this.
we all know what we are suppose to do. It's where we feel the most at peace.  But in that space, there is room for success and failures

1) DO YOU TENACIOUSLY
Everyone of us is uniquely and wonderfully made to fulfil a very distinct purpose. The best part is only you can find that purpose in the quiet
And we are comfortable in our failures because we can justify our actions! Maybe I am the only one who ever felt this but it doesn't matter how it turns out because you did what was right for you. There's peace there.
The same goes for our successes, we see the bigger picture  or the reason for it, we are forced to continue even when it is not popular.
It is difficult to keep doing something when you have no justification or validation.  It is even worse when you allow others give you that validation. You have to know why you do what you do.
An extension of this school of thought is that you empathise with others doing something "strange" (even to you!)because they believe it is for a good reason. You empathise because you know the feeling.
So these are my steps and they are not as hard as you might think. Find a place of quiet - think - make a decision on a course of action - see the end goal -  write it down - read it constantly - act and never stop.

Nothing fuels the human spirit like a constant source of validation.

PS.  keep the haters out and you don't have to explain your dream to anybody.

2) STEP OUT THE BOX AND BE UNCOMFORTABLE

Now this part is about mentorship particularly. A section of the growth process that I never understood its significance.  But I have learnt that there is no quicker way to get out of a rut even when you know your purpose than through mentorship. It's important to choose wisely and realise that one mentor cannot fit every area of your life. So just like when you go in for a new job, know exactly what you plan to get out of it. We have to make sure we don't over stay our welcome!
Actually this affects every area. See, not all friends play the same role all the years of your life. Same goes for mentors,  jobs, partners. Quickest way to grow is to accept change. I mean,  it can't be growth if it remains the same, right?
So perhaps,  having a mentor point you in a different direction completely  does not seem easy but that's what you need! Just remember growth is not easy, it is challenging.
Growth is consistent challenges that can lead to your purpose when resolved properly.
Mediocrity is using the same method for every situation, everytime

Personally, my light bulb moment in this book came when I realised and accepted that growth isn't comfortable . Biologically even, growth does not leave things the way they were. It operates under a new set of rules.
It just isn't comfortable! So don't be afraid if you've never done it before, if it seems strange, if it's a new environment, if you don't understand these set of rules! If you are sure in your spirit that it would lead you to your destiny, just DO IT!

While both points might seem contradictory, it really has a flow.  The first must come before the other. No other way around it. Trust your self and do not be afraid to do what ever it takes within your moral confines to get what you need to arrive safely at Destiny's harbour.......

Relationship Status

Hey, Mr Politician, we need to talk! Don’t worry I don’t want to fight, I just want to talk about a couple of things. We’ve been together for a while and I understand we have a special ‘give and take’ relationship. I try to give as a little as I can, you call me non committal , take a bit more and give me so little in return. I’ve thought about leaving sometimes. No, most of the time. But it seems like I’m stuck with you and I really want to make this work.

People tell me we make a lot of money but I don’t see any of it. You spend it on all your sidechicks. Put some of it in special accounts that I’m not a signatory to. You go on business trips that I'm not invited to and stay in fancy hotels. What I don’t get is why you neglect our home?? I Know, the road home is horrible, airports are all in repair, the whole place is covered in waste and you can barely see because we have no electricity and don’t get me started on the traffic and possible malnourishment! I know, I get it.....but How are we supposed to make this thing work if we don’t fix it together? Wouldn’t it be nice if your ‘friends’ visited and they laugh at us behind our backs. While we are at it, I’m tired of developing, when are we just going to develop? Okay, I know what you are going to say, “It’s coming, you just have to give me time” right?

See that is our problem! and it is the part that infuriates me the most. You keep sending me mixed messages about our relationship status. you keep telling me how other relationships help each other with bills because of increase in petrol, water , light bills or taxes and how they are growing or developing because of this. I am willing to help, really. it gives me hope for our future. But as soon as I ask you for this ‘growth’, you tell me “we just are not there yet”. Look I can cope with whatever you throw at me, I am a Nigerian after all but we can’t go on like this, it is not about us anymore…its about our kids.